Dear Annoying Co-Workers,
I am glad you find it necessary to comment on my weight and/or choices of breakfast foods. I appreciate being called fat in all your creative ways. Thank you for informing of every calorie I have eaten for the day, and how much a healthy weight for me is. (And your reasoning that the taller you are, the LESS you should weigh, is infallible.) Also, I love how you are BOTH fatter than I am.
Thank you for commenting about my STILL breastfeeding to anyone who will listen. I'm so glad my boobs are so interesting to you. They are real, and they are spectacular, so I can understand how not obsessing about them would be hard.
I love walking on egg shells because of all the mood swings in our little slice of heaven (aka: The Pickle Jar). I especially enjoy walking into the office and getting a dirty look because I almost hit you with the door when you happen to be standing too close to it. Not only is it a great place to loiter, it would make no sense to say "Excuse me" when you can scowl and hurmpf around.
I hope you all will extend your pleasant personalities to our new co-worker, Helen Wait. She will be dealing with all my inter-office issues from now on, so if you need something from me, you can just go to Helen Wait.
Your BFF (aka: The Bizzle Who Is No Longer Putting Up With Your Crap This Week)
PS- Sweet Moonpie, my friend in all things hilarious, confidant, and fellow chocolate thief, you know you are not included in this. You rule.